It’s something we all have. Some are physical, some are emotional, it may even be a part of your past. But what is an imperfection really? Imperfection is such a gray area to begin with. What makes something imperfect? Is it something that goes against the common thought, or isn’t up to someone else’s standards?
I know I have my imperfections. Well at least what others may think as imperfections. If I had to go with the physical those are the ones anyone can see. One’s that may not be the flavor of the month right now or maybe never will. Mine’s range from being a little on the short side. My teeth aren’t perfect. My arms and legs are too long. My upper body is to short. A couple of fingers are crooked on each hand. I have scars from accidents and chicken pox. I’m also short, my ears are little and nose is big. But why are these imperfections? Just about all of them I have no control of, except for the scars of course. Genetics gave me my looks for the most part, and I’ve had to live with them for 35 years. Could I get some of them “fixed” to fit in with everyone else. If I had the means sure why not? But then again why bother? Why should I alter my looks to fit in? why should I look like someone else’s description of perfect? I’m perfect the way I am every scar has a story and every physical difference I have has a joke good or bad to tell.
Which leads me to my emotional imperfections. Before I realized that I should happy with how I look and feel. I let my imperfections get to me. I gave weight to what people thought of how I look. I let the jokes about my height, and build get to me and make angry. Sometimes I still get that little twinge of insecurity and then remember everyone has imperfections and sometimes even look for their’s. Being angry is an imperfection because it cost you a great deal. It can cost you family and friends. It can make you lonely because it will push even those who cares for you the most away. But I know it’s another thing that’s part of me that’s a part of everyone. The imperfection is how you control and handle it. Though I have better control over it now it’s still an imperfection because the people who remember me from those times of anger know I have that side of me and respect me all the more that I’ve learned not to let everything get to me.
Now the past can be a tricky imperfection. But is it an imperfection that should as much weight as it sometimes does. There are some things in a persons past you can’t make up for. These are not things I’m here to talk about. The things I speak of may have been done out of weakness of one’s character, or done to fit in. There are things in my past I regret but should I let them hover over my every waking minute of the day? Should I let them control every action I take or weigh me down because someone else doesn’t condone that behavior. The only way someone else can learn from their past is by letting them live their present. If their present is different from their past who are we to judge that person? In my past there were times when I was a jerk to some, and broke the heart of someone I loved. At the time I try to put into words why I did what I did though they may sound like excuses to anyone else. I knew how I felt because I was the one experiencing it. All I can do now is close that chapter and move on from what made me that type of person at the time. Circumstances change and people grow and learn from past “imperfections”.
No matter what age I finally shuffle off of this rock I know I will have my “imperfections”. And every new “imperfection” that appears whether it’s physical, emotional, or becomes a part of my past. I will embrace it, and learn from each and everyone since that make’s me perfect for me no matter how “IMPERFECT” others think I am. Because without those imperfections I wouldn’t be who I am and I’m perfectly fine with that.
Finally back online sheesh being without internet for a couple of months is like living in a cave for a year it’s amazing how much stuff passes you by being offline. Moving to another state too doesn’t help matters either. But now that I’m back time to start putting myself out there again, new projects and adventures await so until then in the words of Stan “The Man” Lee……
Thanks @Playstation it’s not like i ever really wanted a life outside in the fresh air next thing I know the rumblings about Chrono Cross, Threads of Fate, and Parasite EVE coming to the PSN will garun-damn-tee me shutting myself up attached to my PS3. lol
I was an outcast my entire life because of the thing I liked. I grew up with Sega Genesis and the ever amazing world of comic books. Slowly, the need to use my imagination became one of the most important aspects of my life. I threw myself into the world of Magic the Gathering and Dungeons…
Yes I know it’s a shameless plug for my Shop but it also has personal meaning for me since my mother is a survivor. Not that I don’t think it would have beaten her anyway she’s almost 80 and I’m still scared of her. Imagine the fight she put up when she had it almost so years ago. O.o
This week topic on #PLS is agreements. The topic was chosen by Meghan this week because of book she read called For Agreements. For the most part she wasn’t happy with the book but what she found interesting was it says that in some way shape or form we make agreements within ourselves. These agreements are formed by some of the opinions that others may have about us and in turn we may begin to adopt that thinking and become what it is someone may have told us about ourselves. Like if you don’t do well at something and someone tells you enough times you just kind of adopt that way of being.
That got me thinking about what kind of agreements I may have made for myself lately. I notice that there are a few ideas that have been planted in mind lately that I’m trying to uproot and get rid of. I guess the upside to this thinking is that I can kind of pinpoint when this seed was planted. Well there’s a couple of seeds but I guess starting at the smallest one. During at pretty turbulent time where a lot of things were just crashing down personally for me there were people I considered to be my friends who threw me under the bus adding to the problems. Though that in itself was pretty harsh I think what really stuck with me the most is that they used all the times against me that would talk to them about what was wrong with me as most people do with their friends. They turned it around and said I was always making it about myself thinking the world revolved around me. For some reason it’s been pretty hard to shake that idea out of my head to the point I find it hard to tell people about myself good or bad now. It’s like all these thoughts an ideas I’d like to share is kind of just shut up tight until I occasionally just ramble and for whoever I do that I apologize cause sometimes it can get a bit disjointed and hard to follow. I’ll even forget what I’m talking about mid-sentence because I’m not used to being as forth coming about what I want to talk about anymore. I’m slowly trying to break that agreement with-in myself because I truly don’t believe that the world revolves around me I just still get the echo from time to time when I begin to open up and a lot of the stress that went along with what happen comes through and makes me feel like I’m back in that moment again.
Another agreement I made with myself though this has been set deep for awhile has to do with body image. I say a while because this was planted years ago during Elementary School. I probably never would’ve had an issue with my body image if it wasn’t drilled into my head like it’s done to many other people. Even writing about it now I feel self-conscience about it. I know I have flaws and for the most part I embrace them. I have rather long legs and arms for my height which is not that big of deal to me I have scars from being clumsy and chicken pox. Heck I barely even have eyebrows a few people have even asked if I burned them off at one time or another. lol No none of those bother me it’s sounds a bit idiotic to say but my issue has always been the size of my butt. Wow that really feels awkward to say. I probably wouldn’t even think of it if it wasn’t for one person in back in elementary school who wouldn’t have harped on it every chance she got. Going back to the long legs that also means I’m high waisted and kind of a short upper body. So everyday like clock work during gym no less the question she would always ask is “Why is your butt on your back?” At first I would chuckle it off ask her why she’s looking you know the usual try to diffuse the situation as best as I could. Of course it never helped never stopped. She’d point it out to other people, make jokes about it screaming it across the gym, any chance she got there would be some sort of joke. Even now it still effects me. It dictates the clothes I wear how I act around people even the way I stand. Since she used to say I would stand a certain way on purpose though I was just standing up straight. As I got older wide leg jeans long coats became the norm for me and to some degree is still is because of how I feel about how I look. I constantly try to adjust my shirts pulling down the back constantly without thinking about it. Lately it’s gotten a little better but it seems like it’ll still be a long road ahead to break that agreement. But for now I’m going to take a bit of advice from Meghan and the other girls in PLS take a look in the mirror every once in awhile. Smile like the greatest man in the internet.
And find something positive about yourself just because we all have flaws that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t embrace the good that’s within us too. That’s just my humble opinion about the matter.